| Monday, March 31, 2008 |
| Help! |
Ok, for those of you that know me at all know my affinity for sweets! And I have no sweets to satisfy me! (But I might have some to satisfy you! he he he....) (I'm sooo jokin!) I'm trying to be strong and not call someone that I really don't wanna talk to so that they can bring me a some ice cream or something. I shall be strong because that would be mean to take the ice cream and then make excuses on why they can't come in... ;o)
I shall not make a foody call! I shall not! Aaaaaaargggghhhhh! I hate being addicted. By the way...."5 hour power" was on sale today at CVS. I will let yall know how that works out. Cuz I might not be an alky or a pothead but I do LOVE my caffeine. ;o) Time to start getting ready
for bed.... And I just stepped in something wet...I hope it's not what I think it is... ewww.... Security! |
posted by Chocolatte @ 9:30 PM  |
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| Sunday, March 30, 2008 |
| New title? |
| So, I'm thinking I should change the title of my blog to something. hmmm....any suggestions? |
| posted by Chocolatte @ 8:46 PM |
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| Saturday, March 29, 2008 |
| He's really got a hold on me.... |
So....The title of this blog entry can be a little misleading...When I say he really has a hold on me, I'm not talking about some fantasatic lover that is the guy of my dreams or something. I am talking about the exact opposite, the vile, evil DEMON that has a hold on me...
The reason why I say this is because there are demons all around us that are sent to destroy. And no im not talking about demons like on silent hill or something but invisible demons that try to destroy our mind and our spirit. And if we all continue to allow these beasts to have dominion over us, we will eventually self destruct....
Because I am a Christian, I recognize that some of the WORST DEMONS out there are the ones that affect your image of self worth, and put negaitve defeatist thoughts into your head. I guess because of some of the things that are going on in my life right now, having less than positive thoughts is to be expected to a certain extent but not at all to the magnitude that they are right now.... But at the same time I wonder what makes me think the things I do? The negativity that I feel and the things that I do is not negativity cast towards others but cast towards myself... So I ask myself "what is wrong here? what in my life needs to change?" And I know that the answer to that question lies with God. My spiritual walk is what needs inprovement in my life. Despite my constant battles with fear and doubt, I believe and have faith in the fact that as I strive to strengthen my walk with God these demons will wither and die. And I will be victorious and free to live my life as I should! :o) Yay! So now I ponder how to go about this thing? |
| posted by Chocolatte @ 11:02 AM |
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| Darn, sleepless nights! |
So, I am up ENTIRELY too early for it to be saturday. I guess the thing is, that so much has been going through my mind that I have not been able to get the quality or quantity of sleep that I want.
For the past few weeks the one thing that has been consuming my mind has been the whole quest to buy a quality used vehicle. And everything else in my life kinda SEEMED to fall to the wayside or get put on the back burner...(which might not be the best analogy considering the back burner in my trailer is like wayyyy hotter than the other burners and will burn your food up in the blink of an eye...) As you all are intelligent enough to realize there is a reason that I wrote "seemed" in CAPS. and thats because things aren't always as they seem. There are things that I feel are MUCH more inportant than me finding a car right now...Believe it or not ;o)
While I have been consumed with the quest for my own transportation and also the freedom that comes along with it, I am also simutaneously on another journey. And that journey is the journey for love. Not that "I love your smile" or "I love how sexy you are"... But something real.
They say good things come to those who wait and I realize that. Yet, I wonder when will I find what I'm looking for? Yo....Nick cannon is WACK! Random thought again.
Anywho, in this whole quest for love, I have always longed for someone that will accept me for me and love me regardless. Someone who is able to extract my intelligence from my ditzy ass words...Someone who sees that I possess beauty that can be found not only on the outside but also on the inside. Someone who loves my everything... Lyrics to a song that I feel is soooo appropriate right now.
"Everything"
I can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes
I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.
You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here
What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go
I'm the funniest woman that you've ever known
I'm the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known
And you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometime
-Alanis Morissette
And that's how I feel right now... |
| posted by Chocolatte @ 8:22 AM |
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| Thursday, March 20, 2008 |
| Late night mutterings... |
It's 1:22 AM and I am wide awake. A few long beastlike yawns interrupted a conversation I had a few mins ago but not too much of that yawning going on right now. Guess the reason for this is because my mind has been awakened! I guess my environment is just too exciting for me to sleep... I wish...
For those of you that know me well know I am queen of random. I switch it up. And then I switch it back. And sometimes I never come back so I guess u will have to deal with me.
So I guess one thing that is on my mind now is coveting. What really qualifies as coveting? Cuz I have found myself doing that alot lately. So the other day, a friend of mine said "Why is it that the triflin girls live happily ever after while the nice girls like us spend most of our youth looking for that special someone" And that's a question that alot of us "nice girls" have been asking since the beginning of time. I actually can term that an "Age old question". Oh, and excuse the grammer if you don't use it ya lose it...
So to add on to what I was saying, I was watching bad girls club the other night and this ex pornstar/ho that cheats on her fiance and treats men like garbage was talking about how guys fall in love with her all the time and stuff like that. And the sad part is she is probably correct. (The fact that she loves to take it in the ass and prolly is
"head champion" might also have something to do with it...)
But forreal tho, alot of guys seem to dig the "bad girl". So is it correct to assume that "nice girls finish last"? Probably not, but man I want someone to prove me wrong dang nabbit!
So when I know that a girl has a boyfriend that treats her like gold and treats her like she is the best thing since slice bread, am I really coveting the relationship cuz I know she doesn't deserve the guy? Maybe I am. I guess it's just that I personally feel that I deserve to be treated like the queen that I am. And I am a very nice person, at least I try to be....And I'm cute... ;o) And I can't help but wonder why the bitches with nasty stank ass attitudes or cheatin asses get all the men...And then turn those good men into assholes so they will be right and ready to walk into my life...
There ARE good men out there. I definately have met a few in my life. So I haven't given up hope.
So, I'm biting my nail (or lack therof) and I'm wondering why doesn't human skin have a taste?
Is it because it serves no nutritional value? And is the flesh is the only thing that a tiger or shark would enjoy if it ate us? Cuz they have to eat thru the skin to get to flesh. Maybe they just rip it open like a present in wrapping
paper and then feel like a child at Chirstmas when they get to the juicy flesh...Maybe I need to stop watching this scary movie...And this first blog is totally contradictory to my blog title.
Oh well. gotta take the bitter with the sweet! :o) |
| posted by Chocolatte @ 1:22 AM |
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| Personal journal that expresses thoughts that I have... |
| About Me |
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Name: Chocolatte
Home: Auburn, AL, United States
About Me: Unique is how many describe me. Inconsistancies rule my life. How I am depends on what day you catch me for the most part.However, one constant thing is that I attempt to keep God as the pilot in my flight of life. ;o)
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